Title: I Know You Can Feel This Too - posted in parts due to length and LJ only accepting way UNDER max posting length.

Author: Gosgirl

Written for: v_angelique on Dreamwidth

Full header below on first entry...

Chapter 9 – Taking Care

Fornell left the elevator without a backward glance. As he made his way to his car, he saw Ziva standing with Abby by her hearse. To be out here first, they must have used the other elevator or stairs while he was having his Mexican stand-off with Gibbs.

He changed direction and joined them, relieved when Abby smiled at him and Ziva didn’t immediately take him down. She didn’t look armed but with Ziva, she didn’t need to be.

“You okay, Abby?” Fornell asked, concerned about how drawn she looked.

“I’m fine, Toby. Just a bit tired,” she tried to smile at him reassuringly but it was an effort.

“Are you still in one piece, Fornell?” asked Ziva, curiously.

“Surprisingly unscathed, considering,” he replied, smiling wryly, acknowledging how unusual it was to come out of any confrontation with an annoyed Gibbs uninjured.

“I’m going home while I can.” Abby told him, weariness colouring her voice. “The results I’m waiting for won’t be ready till the morning so I’ll come in early.”

“Ducky was able to persuade Abby that sleeping on her futon overnight was not a good idea.” Ziva pointed out, smiling fondly at her friend. She’d offered to go home with Abby and keep her company but Abby wanted some time to herself.

“Tell the guys I’ll talk to them tomorrow, Ziva. I know how they worry,” Abby told her as she threw her bag onto the passenger seat.

Ziva nodded. “I will. Go home, Abby, and get some rest.”

“Do you want me to pick you up tomorrow, ready for the dinner?” interjected Fornell.

They were all ‘required’ to attend the inter-agency dinner each year but previously, the MTAC team had managed to get out of it through work. This year Vance had made it plain that attendance really was mandatory and no last minute excuses would be acceptable from any of this agents. Nothing short of a major case would get them out of it.

“Oh yes, please, Toby. Maybe Ziva can ride with us too?” Abby was actually looking forward to the dinner dance for once; it might take her mind off how miserable she was right now.

Ziva was coming over to her apartment in the afternoon so they could both get ready together. She was looking forward to some time relaxing with her friend... some ‘girlie’ time which was all too rare for either of them. And although Ziva would have her car, it would be easier to arrive in Fornell’s larger car than try and squeeze both of them into Ziva’s Mini… probably safer too, given Ziva’s even more alarming driving technique in high heels.

“Sure thing. I’m not gonna say no to turning up at the hotel with two beautiful women on my arm,” grinned Fornell.

Ziva snorted and Abby rolled her eyes at his obvious flattery. “Ziva’s coming over because I need some help with my hair and then I can help fix hers too.” It would be a change for both of them to dress up formally, and especially for Ziva, on something that wasn’t undercover related.

“I have the same problem with mine,” Fornell said, solemnly, running his hand over his bare pate.

Both women burst out laughing at the attempt to lighten the mood, and Fornell saw a genuine smile light Abby’s face, albeit briefly, pleased that he’d been the one to put it there.

After arranging what time to pick them both up, Fornell bid farewell to Ziva and turned to go, only to be enveloped in an Abby hug, which he gladly returned as she whispered in his ear. “Thank you, Toby.”

They were all unaware of a pair of blue eyes watching them from the third floor window.

Chapter 10 – Realisations

That evening found Gibbs drowning his bad temper in his usual fashion, with bourbon in his basement and trying to soothe his mind by working with wood. He was repairing a chair for a neighbour but was having a hard time clearing his head.

It was days like this when he really missed having a boat to work on.

His smaller projects were absorbing and occupied his hands but when he was in a really foul mood or needed to think through something complex or emotional, he really needed the rhythmic sanding involved in working on the ribs of a boat, or the intricate carving required for a larger scale project.

He’d so far spent the evening as he worked tormenting himself imagining how Fornell might be comforting Abby right now, taking advantage of the fact that Gibbs had behaved once again like a bastard. Despite Ziva’s presence in the parking lot, the hug he’d witnessed had between Fornell and Abby had looked to his jaundiced eyes to be… intimate; as intimate as the hugs he and Abby used to share.

Anger rolled through him at the thought of Fornell’s hands on Abby and caused his gut to twist with jealousy. And presumably he’d have to watch as Fornell fawned over her at the dinner-dance tomorrow night. The annual event wasn’t something Gibbs looked forward to at the best of times. Now he was dreading it.

Following his confrontation with Fornell, he’d spent a tense and bad tempered afternoon. His team made it very plain by their looks and clipped words when they did have to communicate with him that they considered that Gibbs was the one in the wrong.

There was nothing more guaranteed to make them band together and suspend their own bickering than an urge to protect Abby.

No one tackled him outright but they had all made it clear that they were pissed at him. McGee had managed to be nervously curt, a feat only he could have managed. Tony had been equally cold in his exchanges. DiNozzo usually had no problem standing up to him when he was pissed enough, and upsetting Abby would certainly do that.

Ziva had typically communicated her anger in the simplest and most effective way of all of them. When a paperclip landed in front of him as she passed his desk, he’d looked up, startled, to see her normally warm eyes sparkling with anger.

All she’d said was “Fix it.”

So it was a relief to escape home.

He’d tried to call Abby a few times, both on her cell and on her home phone, and each time it had gone to voicemail. But then he couldn’t blame her if she was avoiding him.

Despite the fact that he was on his third bourbon, he contemplated driving over to her apartment but suspected she might not let him in. Although he had a key, even Gibbs could recognise that forcing his way into her apartment when she obviously didn’t want to talk to him wouldn’t be a good idea.

When pushed, Abby could be just as stubborn and difficult as he was and it would only likely deteriorate into another shouting match.

The worst of it was they were all right.

Abby didn’t deserve his anger. He owed Abby an apology, despite Rule 6... and he needed to do it in person and as soon as possible.

He wasn’t sure why the thought of Fornell seeing Abby bothered him. Maybe it was because he and Fornell were a similar age that it had affected him so much? He knew Abby ‘dated older’. She’d said so often enough but it was the first time Gibbs had encountered evidence of it, and it was just unlucky that it happened to be with a friend of his. Previously, he’d only seen or met her younger lovers, Mikel Mawr, Marty and McGee.

Gibbs was reacting like a jealous lover and he knew it, and that thought brought him up short. He stopped working and slumped down on a sawhorse, glass in hand as the realization slammed into him as he tried to rationalize it to himself.

Why was he jealous?

Because... Abby deserved better than a divorced, embittered older man?

Yeah, of course she did but hang on... who was he describing here? Himself or Fornell? She deserved someone who would take care of her, someone who was her own age and shared her own interests, someone she could grow old with, and maybe have a family with.

Because... he didn’t want to see her hurt.

If he were honest with himself, Gibbs knew that Fornell wouldn’t willingly hurt Abby. He knew his friend well enough for that. And since when did his need to keep Abby safe change to wanting to keep any other man away from her completely?

Because... because... she was his girl. No one should be able to touch her except him.

Now he was getting to it.

His?

Where the hell had that come from? When did he start to think of Abby as his? When did his sense of protectiveness transform itself into one of fierce possessiveness?

Gibbs couldn’t remember feeling like this when she was with McGee, but he’d told himself at the time that was because he knew that relationship wouldn’t last.

So why was this different?

Why did he see Fornell as more of a threat? Or was it that he’d only just realized what Abby meant to him now that he thought he’d left it too late? Now that he too was involved with someone else?

Chapter 11 – Revelations… almost

Gibbs spent a restless night and woke with a hangover. When he strode into the bullpen the next morning, coffee and Caf!Pow in hand, his team were already at their desks.

After dumping his coat at his desk, he started for the elevator, only to be stopped in his tracks by McGee’s nervous voice.

“Er, boss, Abby’s not there. She’s in MTAC. I think she’s sitting in to consult on some evidence for a case for the LA team.” McGee’s voice faltered as Gibbs turned to glare at him. “She said she might be there for a couple of hours.” He watched his boss return to his chair.

Feeling that events were also now conspiring against him to prevent him fixing his screw-up, Gibbs tried to concentrate on paperwork for the rest of the morning. The atmosphere in the bullpen was as tense as yesterday. Ducky wasn’t in today which in a way was a relief as he knew the ME would also kick his ass.

When Abby emerged from MTAC later that morning, Gibbs watched as she hurried towards the elevator and avoided looking down into the bullpen. He gave her some time to get settled but when he eventually couldn’t concentrate any more, Gibbs headed downstairs, impatient to see Abby and feeling ridiculously nervous.

There were also some low priority results he needed to pick up which would at least give him an excuse for going down to her lab. If he simply turned up, he feared that Abby just might throw him out as she’d done yesterday, not that he’d blame her if she did.

He hated how Abby looked at him almost with dread as he entered the lab.

After she’d outlined the test results he wanted, keeping her head down and her voice subdued, Gibbs lingered, unsure where to start.

The tension in the room put her on edge, knotting her stomach and making her shoulders ache. Abby fidgeted nervously, just wanting to get back to work. When he didn’t say anything, she eventually asked him, “Something else you need, Gibbs?”

“No, I just...” he began, before trailing off, running a hand through his hair and starting to pace. Everything he’d carefully rehearsed in his car on the way in fled from his mind as Gibbs took in the shadows under her eyes, her slumped shoulders and dull eyes, feeling even more ashamed of himself that he was the cause of taking away the vibrancy that was so much a part of this lovely woman.

She watched him pace for a few moments before she could stand it no longer and folded her arms, dropping her gaze from his and biting her lip. “What is it, Gibbs? Look, I’m really very tired. Can we just call it a truce until after this evening’s dinner and then... well, I don’t know what, but I just can’t cope with any more right now and I don’t want to fight with you all over again.”

Abby felt exhausted after yesterday. She’d spend the evening drowning her misery in wine and ice cream and had not slept well.

“Abbs...” She looked up at the tentative tone of his voice and she was startled to see him clench his hand into a fist and rub a slow circle in the centre of his chest, forming the ASL sign for Sorry.

Wow, breaking Rule 6 as well Rule 13... must be a record.

“Shouldn’t have said what I did, Abbs, especially about your work.” He just wanted to pull her into his arms and hug all the hurt away, but knew he didn’t have that right any more. He doubted she’d welcome it anyway.

“No, you shouldn’t... “ That comment had hurt more than anything else he’d said yesterday. If there was one thing she thought inviolate, it was his respect for her skills and professionalism.

“You work harder than any of us, Abbs, and you’re nothing but professional in everything you do. I was way outta line.” Once he’d got the first admission out, the rest seemed to come more easily. “What I said was… hurtful and not what I really think anyway.”

“And I shouldn’t have said what I did either.” Abby bitterly regretted losing her own temper.

“You had every right, Abbs. I upset you. I was a jackass.” he stopped pacing and stepped closer, relieved when she didn’t immediately back away.

She was pleased that he was at least talking to her. Gibbs could be non-communicative and bad tempered for days if he put his mind to it. “It doesn’t matter, Gibbs. Let’s just forget about it.”

“Didn’t mean a word of it,” he told her, quietly. One more step and he was within touching distance.

“I know... “ Abby looked up at him, wide eyed as she saw his expression soften. “Deep down, I knew you didn’t mean it, it was just... a bit of a shock. But I don’t hold grudges, you should know that by now. Just tell me one thing.”

“Okay,” he conceded, cautiously.

“I need to know why you’re so angry with me.” She could see the affection and warmth in his eyes today that wasn’t there yesterday. This Gibbs was the one she recognized and loved.

He sighed. “It’s not you I’m angry at, Abbs.” The hurt and puzzlement in her eyes was breaking his heart.

“Well, it sure felt like it, not just yesterday but all week,” she pointed out, firmly.

“Shouldn’t have taken it out on ya. It’s me I’m pissed at, and Fornell,” Gibbs confessed, not sure how he was going to articulate what he really felt. They needed to move on from here, but he wanted to know what Fornell meant to Abby, and he was sure Allison Hart’s name would crop up in the conversation before too long.

“Why?” persisted Abby.

“Coz whenever I close my eyes, all I can see is you and Fornell.” He reached out his hand to gently stroke her cheek, relieved when she didn’t pull away from him but sighed and leaned into his touch.

Feeling her pulse racing, trying to control her reaction to just a simple caress, she countered, softly. “And all I can see is you and M. Allison Hart.”

“We’re not together... not like ya think.” He wasn’t sure she’d accept what he was doing even if he told her what he was up to with the lawyer. It was the main reason he’d held back from telling her in the first place, as well as needing to protect Abby and, above all, not draw attention to her. But he realized now that he had to tell her something, sensing it was a deal breaker if he didn’t.

Pushing down the flutter of excitement that his words triggered, Abby replied. “It sure looks like you’re involved with her, Gibbs.”

“It’s not what it looks like, Abbs.” He reached for her hand and entwined their fingers, his large hand swamping her delicate one. “I can’t tell ya what’s going on, not yet. You’ll just have to trust me, Abby.”

“I do trust you, but sometimes I don’t think you trust me.” She looked down at their joined hands, feeling a tingle go through her at the contact.

“I do... “ He ran a finger gently down her jawline and tilted her chin up. “Just trying to protect you. Trust me... please.”

She smiled, shaking her head ruefully. She never could resist it when he said please. “Okay, I’ll trust that you know what you’re doing and that there’s a good reason for getting involved with her but you’ve got to realize Gibbs that I don’t share.”

“Neither do I. What about you and Tobias?” The look he threw her made her breath hitch in her throat. She thought she’d imagined it for a moment, desire combined with... jealousy?

“I’m fond of Toby but I don’t consider that I’m going out out with him,” she told him.

So did that mean he’d misread the whole thing? That he’d jumped to the wrong conclusions? He had to push a bit more before he was sure. “He taking you to the dinner tonight?”

“Yeah, he is. He asked me to go with him last week and I wanted to go, and I’m not letting him down now. But he’s just a friend, really.” She squared her shoulders, determined that she was not going to sound apologetic, she had no reason to in her eyes. “Look, I don’t want to argue with you about this again, Gibbs, but I won’t apologise for being friends with Toby and enjoying his company. Besides, for the last few weeks I thought you were with Ms. Hart, and do you know how much that hurt me?” she finished quietly.

“Beginning to,” he acknowledged, fingers ghosting over her cheek gently.

“I’m not a mind reader, Gibbs, and I’m so tired of these mixed signals you send my way.” She nuzzled into his hand, feeling her pulse pounding at how good he felt against her skin.

“Still trying to work it out, Abbs... work us out.” This was the closest they’d been in days and he’d missed it... missed her and everything about her.

“We’ve had years to work us out, Gibbs...” she reminded him. Drawing in a deep breath, she gathered her courage in both hands and she stepped closer, gesturing between them. “I know you can feel this too.”

This. Whatever this was.

This chemistry they had... this electricity… this heat... whatever the hell it was that sparked like an electric charge whenever they were in the same room. This connection neither had explored or acknowledged with each other, but only to themselves late at night in the dark... alone and lonely.

“Yeah, I can feel it.” His voice was low and husky, his blue eyes intense.

She felt her insides flip at the heat and desire in his expression. “Then you need to decide what you want, Gibbs.

They stared at one another and Gibbs opened his mouth to reply but Balboa chose that moment to enter her lab, breaking the moment. As Gibbs backed away, she signed Talk later and he nodded, giving her a brief smile before leaving.