Secret Pain for water_soter
Aug. 16th, 2010 02:26 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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ncisficathonTitle: Secret Pain (I know, I know, cliche...)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sarkywoman
Written for:water_soter
Prompts: (1) Tony has a secret and Abby, McGee, Ziva and Jimmy want to know what it is, (2) Tony tries to save someone and fails miserably, the aftermath, (3) Tony has a secret and Abby, McGee, Ziva and Jimmy want to know what it is.
Archive: Whatever, just let me know.
Genre: gen
Rating: PG.
Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine.
Word Count: 3196
Summary: Tony's acting shifty and it's putting everybody on edge. Can he bear telling them the truth or will they find out some other way?
The sound of a chair scraping across the floor drew Ziva's attention from her work. She looked up as Tony stretched theatrically then doubled over with a coughing fit that made her wince.
“Are you certain you're alright?” she asked as he straightened up, blinking rapidly and looking rather red in the face.
“Yeah, I'm good,” he replied in a rough voice before clearing his throat. “One of those tickly throat coughs.”
Ziva had not heard the term before, but from Tony's casual tone she assumed it was an insignificant problem. “If you insist. Are we still going to the range tomorrow morning?”
The blank stare she received in response made it clear that the arrangement had completely slipped his mind. “That's tomorrow?” he asked, surprised. “Aw, crap.”
“You have made other plans?” she asked, trying not to let her disappointment show in her voice.
“Yeah,” he answered awkwardly. “I completely forgot. I'm really sorry.”
“It's not a problem,” she said with a thin smile. She had been rather looking forward to practising her aim and then perhaps getting some lunch with Tony. His company was never dull. “Will you be doing anything exciting?”
“Nah, just going round Abby's tonight for our regular movie marathon. Probably having a few drinks, staying over. I doubt I'll be fit for the range tomorrow morning.”
Just as he was saying that, McGee wandered in with the papers he had gone to fetch. “As long as you're fit for the law enforcement exhibition on Sunday down the gallery. Half of the fun will be hearing you squeal like a little girl at all the exhibits from fictional cop shows.”
Tony looked just as awkward about that as he had about her reminder of their arranged meeting at the firing range. Did he not want to spend time with them? “Uh, yeah, sure. But hey, can we go in the afternoon instead of the morning?”
McGee sat down at his desk with a frown on his face. “I don't think I can cram it into the afternoon, Tony. I promised to take Sarah out for a meal in the evening. She's desperate to know where I'm up to with the book.”
“Right, okay.”
Tony seemed troubled. McGee seemed to notice too, as he went on to ask, “That is okay, yeah?”
“Yeah, yeah, that's fine.” Tony punctuated his sentence with another bout of coughing. “Okay ladies, I'm going to call it an evening.”
“Goodnight, Tony,” Ziva said with a smile while McGee protested at being called a lady.
The Mossad Agent watched her partner leave with some suspicion, but she knew that Tony would not speak to her unless he chose to. She had learned that well during the Jeanne Benoit incident. But Ziva reassured herself that Abby would not allow him to be evasive and if there was anything troubling him, the gothic girl would uncover it at their movie night.
*
Abby slammed her phone down on the coffee table with a scowl, making Jimmy jump and scatter popcorn everywhere. “He's not coming!” She shouted angrily at the world in general.
“What...Tony?”
Abby rolled her eyes. “No, Gibbs,” she replied sarcastically.
Jimmy's eyes widened. “Gibbs was supposed to be here?”
“Of course it was Tony!” Abby cried out with exasperation. “He said he was calling from the Navy Yard. Apparently he had a brainwave about the case and couldn't in good conscience spend any time away from the office when he could be following it up. God, what a workaholic.”
Jimmy sighed. “He should be taking better care of himself. He's been working crazy hours this week. Gibbs and Ducky were talking about it the other day.”
“That's it!” Abby adopted her 'eureka' pose, one hand pointing dynamically towards the ceiling while the other pointed at Jimmy so as not to lose his attention. “I know what to do.” She scooped up her cellphone again and began tapping at the touch-screen with her short, black-painted fingernails.
“What? Who are you phoning?”
Instead of replying to him, Abby's answer came in the form of her greeting the person she was ringing. “Gibbs, hey!” She paused, listening. “Oh no, no problem. Well, no big problem. There is a little itty-bitty one though. Tony. He's cancelled on me and Jimmy to go back to work. He couldn't even stay on the phone for one whole minute he was so eager to get back on the case. It's not right, boss-man. He needs a break as much as anyone else, if not more!” Jimmy waited patiently as Abby listened to whatever Gibbs was saying on the other end of the line. Her brow furrowed. “But Gibbs, he said he was already there.” Another pause. A deeper frown. “Are you sure? Okay, now I'm pissed off. Thanks, Gibbs.” She snapped her phone shut and glared at the table.
She was breathing hard, with rage it seemed. It made Jimmy nervous about asking her what had happened. “Is everything okay?”
“No, it's not. You know, we should have guessed this would happen. It's what, the third time Tony's cancelled on us? It should have been clear that he just didn't want to hang around with us.”
“Abby, you know what he's like. His work is really important to him and...”
“That's just it though, Jimmy.” She finally turned to look at him. “Gibbs is at the bullpen already. And there's no sign of Tony. He lied.”
“Well...” Jimmy fidgeted awkwardly. He didn't like to think badly of Tony. “There must be a good reason. Maybe he's in trouble!”
“Gibbs is going to check on him now,” Abby said, her black lips shaped in a pout. “But you were right, I do know what he's like. He didn't sound worried or under duress. Just awkward and evasive. He's hiding something.”
“You don't think he's got a new girlfriend, do you?” Jimmy asked, remembering the fiasco and trauma with Jeanne Benoit.
“I hope not,” Abby replied, “because if she's taken him away from our movie night three times in a row, I'm going to kick her ass when I meet her.”
*
When Tony finally answered his phone, Gibbs was just about ready to tear him a new one. Cancelling on Abby and lying to her about it was way out of line. Then DiNozzo had the nerve to wait eleven rings before answering his damn phone!
“Boss? What's up?”
Though Tony was clearly attempting to sound at ease, his voice was strained as though he had been busy, or had ran to the phone, or had been engaged in some other physically strenuous activity...
“You tell me, DiNozzo. I just got a call from Abby saying you had skipped out on her and Jimmy to do some overtime.”
“Oh, well... I just had a hunch I wanted to check out. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on the movies with this on my mind. You know how it is.”
Gibbs contemplated his next question carefully before asking it. “Yeah, I know how it is. You want me to join ya? I could take another look at it.”
“Oh, no, I'm fine boss. Really.” Tony coughed again. “It's nice and peaceful, just me and my cold germs in the bullpen.”
Got ya. “That's funny, Tony. I don't see you here.”
A moment of silence and Jethro could imagine the look of terror on his senior agent's face. “You're uh, you're at work, boss?”
“Yeah, couldn't concentrate on the boat with this case on my mind. You know how it is.”
“Um...yeah. Um...”
“What's going on, Tony? Lying to Abby's one thing, lying to me is just plain stupid.”
“I didn't want to go,” Tony said quietly. “That's all. Didn't feel like hanging out with Abby and Jimmy.”
“This isn't the first time you've cancelled on them.”
“No, it isn't.” Tony's voice still sounded strained. Maybe it was because of his cold. “Look, Jimmy wants Abby. I'm sure Abby will come around to it. Hopefully if they hang out together alone enough, it'll happen sooner rather than later. But you can't tell Abby or she'll just rebel against it. She's like that.”
“Why not just tell 'em you weren't feeling well?”
“I'm fine,” Tony said quickly. Too quickly. Defensive. “Look, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to Abby and the autopsy gremlin. But I got some stuff to do boss, so... I'll see you at work Monday.” And he hung up on Gibbs. That in itself was enough to convince the Marine that something was wrong.
*
The bullpen was clouded in an awkward silence on Monday and Tony knew he was to blame. He had cancelled on Abby and Jimmy, cancelled on Ziva, lied to Gibbs, and completely failed to meet with McGee on Sunday. Nobody was saying anything, but on the occasions he looked up from his desk he could see them eyeing him like a fugitive who had just walked in and sat down at an agent's desk.
Not for the first time in the past month, Tony contemplated just telling them all the truth. In some ways it would make life a lot easier. In some ways though, he risked making life a lot worse for himself. He wouldn't be able to stay.
Then again, if everyone carried on being this cold towards him he probably wouldn't want to stay much longer.
Gibbs answered his phone on the first ring. After listening for only a few moments, he hung up and sprang into action, grabbing his car keys and striding out across the bullpen. “There's been a sighting of Richard Jennings with a little girl at the crime scene. Ziva, you're with me. Tony, with McGee.”
Tony wasn't sure whether Gibbs was saving him from death by Ziva or punishing him by making him ride with a sulking McGee. The whole drive was silent, until Tim noticed a deviation from their planned route.
“Hey, where are we going?”
“I got a hunch, Probie. Jennings will probably be gone by the time we get there, but I think I know where he'll go.” Damn, but his voice sounded rough. He couldn't keep clearing his throat though, it hurt just thinking about it.
“Tony...” The doubt in McGee's voice was kind of painful to hear. They all thought so little of him. It confirmed that he couldn't tell them the truth. They'd lose even the little faith they had in his abilities.
“He was first seen again at the place where his first victim went missing. Now he's taken this little girl to the scene of the second victim's death. He's sight-seeing, McGee, and there's only one more place we know of that might be of importance to him.”
“The other crime scene,” Tim realised. “But what if we're wrong?”
“Then I'll take your headslap,” Tony replied, coughing a little.
They made it to the site in a matter of minutes and Tony knew immediately he'd been right on the money. Jennings' car was parked across the drive haphazardly. “This is the place,” Tony wheezed, feeling his chest tighten again from the coughing. He climbed out of the car but the sudden movement made him dizzy and he had to lean on the vehicle for a moment.
“We should call Gibbs. I'll... Tony?”
McGee sounded concerned and Tony wanted to reassure him, but he couldn't catch his breath. His legs felt weak and he felt himself sliding down the side of the car. Panic rose in his gut – there was a little girl in mortal danger in the house and here he was passing out because of his stupid, stupid lungs...
A shot rang out nearby, startling him into opening his eyes. McGee was crouched over him, but his eyes were on the house. “It came from inside,” the agent said, when he noticed Tony's eyes were open.
“Oh god. We've gotta...”
McGee's hand pressed on his chest to keep him still, though it was totally unnecessary. Tony couldn't find any strength in his muscles. The pressure did make him cough more though.
“You're not going anywhere. I've called Gibbs and Ziva. And I'm going in.”
“No, Probie...”
“Stay, Tony. You're no use in there like this.”
And wasn't that exactly why Tony had hidden this from them in the first place? He couldn't do anything but prop himself against the car and hope Tim didn't get himself killed because of his lousy back-up.
*
Jethro sat patiently at Tony's bedside in the hospital, waiting for his senior field agent to regain consciousness. He'd been told it should happen any time now. He still wasn't entirely sure what he would say when Tony did open his eyes.
He soon ran out of time to plan it, as Tony stirred and his eyes fluttered open. He took in the room, then Gibbs' presence. “Boss,” he croaked.
“Sssh.” It was more a command than an attempt to soothe. “You shouldn't be speaking. Your lungs and throat are raw and pretending they aren't hasn't done you any favours. Ducky's livid.”
“McGee,” Tony said quickly.
“He's fine. Got Jennings. He and Ziva have the bastard in custody now.”
“The girl?”
Gibbs couldn't look his agent in the eye any more. He turned away, looked at the window. It was getting dark outside. “Jennings' fourth victim. But his last. We'll make sure of it.”
He could see Tony's heart breaking. “It's my fault,” the man said, his voice pained in more ways than one.
Gibbs bit his tongue, unsure of what to say. Tony was like a son to him and he didn't want to hurt him further. He knew how much the guilt was killing the younger man. But if Tony had just told them he was sick, they could have kept him out of the field. His collapse wouldn't have been a distraction costing them valuable time when they could least afford it. But then without DiNozzo they wouldn't have even guessed Jennings' location. “It was your hunch that got Jennings caught,” Gibbs reminded him gently. “Without you the girl would have died anyway and that bastard could have carried on getting away with it. Let it go.”
Tony had tears in his eyes. “But...”
“Let it go, Tony. We can't change it.”
DiNozzo nodded, sighing with a wince at the pain in his throat.
“What's important now is your health.”
Tony closed his eyes again. “I'm done, aren't I?”
“What?”
“As an agent. When the coughing started I knew. I knew straight away. It just wasn't going away no matter how much cough medicine I drank. Then my lungs started to hurt and I couldn't catch my breath and...” It hurt to hear Tony speak, his voice was so ragged. He had started to sound rough a couple of weeks ago and Gibbs was kicking himself that he had let it worsen to this state without questioning the man.
Tony wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. Gibbs passed him a tissue from the box on the bedside table. “Is that why you didn't tell us? You were worried you'd lose your job?”
Tony nodded. Gibbs head-slapped him.
“Damn it, Tony! Another couple of minutes and you would have been facing an armed and dangerous suspect! Collapsing then would have got you killed.” Tony looked down at the blanket, trying not to meet Gibbs' angry gaze. Jethro wouldn't allow that. “Look at me.” Tony obeyed. “You aren't seriously ill, Tony.”
“What?” The idea had obviously never occurred to the senior agent. “But...but I couldn't breathe. I was coughing up blood.”
“Ducky was explaining it to me while you slept. The state of your lungs leaves you more susceptible to acute bronchitis. He says he has explained that to you. Apparently that's what you had. A bad case of a respiratory illness. It got worse because you didn't get it checked. In a way you're lucky you collapsed and we brought you to hospital. If it had gone on much longer without medical attention you really would have needed to resign. The damage to your throat and lungs would have been too severe for a physically active job.”
“But...the blood...”
“A symptom of serious bronchitis,” Gibbs explained. “Ducky and the doctor here said you've coughed your throat lining bloody. But it's nothing you won't recover from.”
“Lucky me,” Tony wheezed.
“Lucky all of us,” Gibbs agreed. “Don't know what we'd do without ya, DiNozzo. You saw how grouchy everyone was today, just because you didn't spend time with 'em over the weekend. You think I'm gonna put up with attitudes like that every Monday?”
Tony smiled, eyes still a little watery. “I just thought... I mean, Ducky told me a lot of stuff after I got the plague about what to expect in the long-term. It left me feeling like my days of fitness were over, like my lungs were on borrowed time. When I got sick this time I just thought that time had run out. I figured I'd better keep going, just keep on until I couldn't do it any more. I wanted to do this as long as I could.”
Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose, exasperated. “Tony, there is such a thing as over-reaching. You're my best agent. You have to take better care of yourself!”
The door opened and Abby walked in, struggling with a large suitcase. “And until you learn to take care of yourself, Gibbs is going to do it for you! Here's his stuff, bossman.”
Tony looked up at Gibbs questioningly. The Marine nodded. “You're coming home with me, DiNozzo. Chicken soup and bed-rest.”
“I packed some of your dvds too,” Abby said with a smile. “Me and Jimmy will come round later to check on you. Ziva's going to keep you company tomorrow and McGee will be round the next day. Ducky's volunteered the day after and he'll be able to decide how much longer you've gotta stay under house arrest.”
“You got a problem with this arrangement, DiNozzo?” Gibbs asked.
Tony thought it over. He didn't like being the 'victim', having to be cared for like an invalid. It implied he was weak, couldn't look after himself. But the team were doing this out of a desire to see him get better, because Tony was valuable to them as a team-mate and a friend.
“You know what?” He grinned. “It sounds like just what I need.”
Author:
sarkywomanWritten for:
water_soterPrompts: (1) Tony has a secret and Abby, McGee, Ziva and Jimmy want to know what it is, (2) Tony tries to save someone and fails miserably, the aftermath, (3) Tony has a secret and Abby, McGee, Ziva and Jimmy want to know what it is.
Archive: Whatever, just let me know.
Genre: gen
Rating: PG.
Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine.
Word Count: 3196
Summary: Tony's acting shifty and it's putting everybody on edge. Can he bear telling them the truth or will they find out some other way?
The sound of a chair scraping across the floor drew Ziva's attention from her work. She looked up as Tony stretched theatrically then doubled over with a coughing fit that made her wince.
“Are you certain you're alright?” she asked as he straightened up, blinking rapidly and looking rather red in the face.
“Yeah, I'm good,” he replied in a rough voice before clearing his throat. “One of those tickly throat coughs.”
Ziva had not heard the term before, but from Tony's casual tone she assumed it was an insignificant problem. “If you insist. Are we still going to the range tomorrow morning?”
The blank stare she received in response made it clear that the arrangement had completely slipped his mind. “That's tomorrow?” he asked, surprised. “Aw, crap.”
“You have made other plans?” she asked, trying not to let her disappointment show in her voice.
“Yeah,” he answered awkwardly. “I completely forgot. I'm really sorry.”
“It's not a problem,” she said with a thin smile. She had been rather looking forward to practising her aim and then perhaps getting some lunch with Tony. His company was never dull. “Will you be doing anything exciting?”
“Nah, just going round Abby's tonight for our regular movie marathon. Probably having a few drinks, staying over. I doubt I'll be fit for the range tomorrow morning.”
Just as he was saying that, McGee wandered in with the papers he had gone to fetch. “As long as you're fit for the law enforcement exhibition on Sunday down the gallery. Half of the fun will be hearing you squeal like a little girl at all the exhibits from fictional cop shows.”
Tony looked just as awkward about that as he had about her reminder of their arranged meeting at the firing range. Did he not want to spend time with them? “Uh, yeah, sure. But hey, can we go in the afternoon instead of the morning?”
McGee sat down at his desk with a frown on his face. “I don't think I can cram it into the afternoon, Tony. I promised to take Sarah out for a meal in the evening. She's desperate to know where I'm up to with the book.”
“Right, okay.”
Tony seemed troubled. McGee seemed to notice too, as he went on to ask, “That is okay, yeah?”
“Yeah, yeah, that's fine.” Tony punctuated his sentence with another bout of coughing. “Okay ladies, I'm going to call it an evening.”
“Goodnight, Tony,” Ziva said with a smile while McGee protested at being called a lady.
The Mossad Agent watched her partner leave with some suspicion, but she knew that Tony would not speak to her unless he chose to. She had learned that well during the Jeanne Benoit incident. But Ziva reassured herself that Abby would not allow him to be evasive and if there was anything troubling him, the gothic girl would uncover it at their movie night.
*
Abby slammed her phone down on the coffee table with a scowl, making Jimmy jump and scatter popcorn everywhere. “He's not coming!” She shouted angrily at the world in general.
“What...Tony?”
Abby rolled her eyes. “No, Gibbs,” she replied sarcastically.
Jimmy's eyes widened. “Gibbs was supposed to be here?”
“Of course it was Tony!” Abby cried out with exasperation. “He said he was calling from the Navy Yard. Apparently he had a brainwave about the case and couldn't in good conscience spend any time away from the office when he could be following it up. God, what a workaholic.”
Jimmy sighed. “He should be taking better care of himself. He's been working crazy hours this week. Gibbs and Ducky were talking about it the other day.”
“That's it!” Abby adopted her 'eureka' pose, one hand pointing dynamically towards the ceiling while the other pointed at Jimmy so as not to lose his attention. “I know what to do.” She scooped up her cellphone again and began tapping at the touch-screen with her short, black-painted fingernails.
“What? Who are you phoning?”
Instead of replying to him, Abby's answer came in the form of her greeting the person she was ringing. “Gibbs, hey!” She paused, listening. “Oh no, no problem. Well, no big problem. There is a little itty-bitty one though. Tony. He's cancelled on me and Jimmy to go back to work. He couldn't even stay on the phone for one whole minute he was so eager to get back on the case. It's not right, boss-man. He needs a break as much as anyone else, if not more!” Jimmy waited patiently as Abby listened to whatever Gibbs was saying on the other end of the line. Her brow furrowed. “But Gibbs, he said he was already there.” Another pause. A deeper frown. “Are you sure? Okay, now I'm pissed off. Thanks, Gibbs.” She snapped her phone shut and glared at the table.
She was breathing hard, with rage it seemed. It made Jimmy nervous about asking her what had happened. “Is everything okay?”
“No, it's not. You know, we should have guessed this would happen. It's what, the third time Tony's cancelled on us? It should have been clear that he just didn't want to hang around with us.”
“Abby, you know what he's like. His work is really important to him and...”
“That's just it though, Jimmy.” She finally turned to look at him. “Gibbs is at the bullpen already. And there's no sign of Tony. He lied.”
“Well...” Jimmy fidgeted awkwardly. He didn't like to think badly of Tony. “There must be a good reason. Maybe he's in trouble!”
“Gibbs is going to check on him now,” Abby said, her black lips shaped in a pout. “But you were right, I do know what he's like. He didn't sound worried or under duress. Just awkward and evasive. He's hiding something.”
“You don't think he's got a new girlfriend, do you?” Jimmy asked, remembering the fiasco and trauma with Jeanne Benoit.
“I hope not,” Abby replied, “because if she's taken him away from our movie night three times in a row, I'm going to kick her ass when I meet her.”
*
When Tony finally answered his phone, Gibbs was just about ready to tear him a new one. Cancelling on Abby and lying to her about it was way out of line. Then DiNozzo had the nerve to wait eleven rings before answering his damn phone!
“Boss? What's up?”
Though Tony was clearly attempting to sound at ease, his voice was strained as though he had been busy, or had ran to the phone, or had been engaged in some other physically strenuous activity...
“You tell me, DiNozzo. I just got a call from Abby saying you had skipped out on her and Jimmy to do some overtime.”
“Oh, well... I just had a hunch I wanted to check out. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on the movies with this on my mind. You know how it is.”
Gibbs contemplated his next question carefully before asking it. “Yeah, I know how it is. You want me to join ya? I could take another look at it.”
“Oh, no, I'm fine boss. Really.” Tony coughed again. “It's nice and peaceful, just me and my cold germs in the bullpen.”
Got ya. “That's funny, Tony. I don't see you here.”
A moment of silence and Jethro could imagine the look of terror on his senior agent's face. “You're uh, you're at work, boss?”
“Yeah, couldn't concentrate on the boat with this case on my mind. You know how it is.”
“Um...yeah. Um...”
“What's going on, Tony? Lying to Abby's one thing, lying to me is just plain stupid.”
“I didn't want to go,” Tony said quietly. “That's all. Didn't feel like hanging out with Abby and Jimmy.”
“This isn't the first time you've cancelled on them.”
“No, it isn't.” Tony's voice still sounded strained. Maybe it was because of his cold. “Look, Jimmy wants Abby. I'm sure Abby will come around to it. Hopefully if they hang out together alone enough, it'll happen sooner rather than later. But you can't tell Abby or she'll just rebel against it. She's like that.”
“Why not just tell 'em you weren't feeling well?”
“I'm fine,” Tony said quickly. Too quickly. Defensive. “Look, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to Abby and the autopsy gremlin. But I got some stuff to do boss, so... I'll see you at work Monday.” And he hung up on Gibbs. That in itself was enough to convince the Marine that something was wrong.
*
The bullpen was clouded in an awkward silence on Monday and Tony knew he was to blame. He had cancelled on Abby and Jimmy, cancelled on Ziva, lied to Gibbs, and completely failed to meet with McGee on Sunday. Nobody was saying anything, but on the occasions he looked up from his desk he could see them eyeing him like a fugitive who had just walked in and sat down at an agent's desk.
Not for the first time in the past month, Tony contemplated just telling them all the truth. In some ways it would make life a lot easier. In some ways though, he risked making life a lot worse for himself. He wouldn't be able to stay.
Then again, if everyone carried on being this cold towards him he probably wouldn't want to stay much longer.
Gibbs answered his phone on the first ring. After listening for only a few moments, he hung up and sprang into action, grabbing his car keys and striding out across the bullpen. “There's been a sighting of Richard Jennings with a little girl at the crime scene. Ziva, you're with me. Tony, with McGee.”
Tony wasn't sure whether Gibbs was saving him from death by Ziva or punishing him by making him ride with a sulking McGee. The whole drive was silent, until Tim noticed a deviation from their planned route.
“Hey, where are we going?”
“I got a hunch, Probie. Jennings will probably be gone by the time we get there, but I think I know where he'll go.” Damn, but his voice sounded rough. He couldn't keep clearing his throat though, it hurt just thinking about it.
“Tony...” The doubt in McGee's voice was kind of painful to hear. They all thought so little of him. It confirmed that he couldn't tell them the truth. They'd lose even the little faith they had in his abilities.
“He was first seen again at the place where his first victim went missing. Now he's taken this little girl to the scene of the second victim's death. He's sight-seeing, McGee, and there's only one more place we know of that might be of importance to him.”
“The other crime scene,” Tim realised. “But what if we're wrong?”
“Then I'll take your headslap,” Tony replied, coughing a little.
They made it to the site in a matter of minutes and Tony knew immediately he'd been right on the money. Jennings' car was parked across the drive haphazardly. “This is the place,” Tony wheezed, feeling his chest tighten again from the coughing. He climbed out of the car but the sudden movement made him dizzy and he had to lean on the vehicle for a moment.
“We should call Gibbs. I'll... Tony?”
McGee sounded concerned and Tony wanted to reassure him, but he couldn't catch his breath. His legs felt weak and he felt himself sliding down the side of the car. Panic rose in his gut – there was a little girl in mortal danger in the house and here he was passing out because of his stupid, stupid lungs...
A shot rang out nearby, startling him into opening his eyes. McGee was crouched over him, but his eyes were on the house. “It came from inside,” the agent said, when he noticed Tony's eyes were open.
“Oh god. We've gotta...”
McGee's hand pressed on his chest to keep him still, though it was totally unnecessary. Tony couldn't find any strength in his muscles. The pressure did make him cough more though.
“You're not going anywhere. I've called Gibbs and Ziva. And I'm going in.”
“No, Probie...”
“Stay, Tony. You're no use in there like this.”
And wasn't that exactly why Tony had hidden this from them in the first place? He couldn't do anything but prop himself against the car and hope Tim didn't get himself killed because of his lousy back-up.
*
Jethro sat patiently at Tony's bedside in the hospital, waiting for his senior field agent to regain consciousness. He'd been told it should happen any time now. He still wasn't entirely sure what he would say when Tony did open his eyes.
He soon ran out of time to plan it, as Tony stirred and his eyes fluttered open. He took in the room, then Gibbs' presence. “Boss,” he croaked.
“Sssh.” It was more a command than an attempt to soothe. “You shouldn't be speaking. Your lungs and throat are raw and pretending they aren't hasn't done you any favours. Ducky's livid.”
“McGee,” Tony said quickly.
“He's fine. Got Jennings. He and Ziva have the bastard in custody now.”
“The girl?”
Gibbs couldn't look his agent in the eye any more. He turned away, looked at the window. It was getting dark outside. “Jennings' fourth victim. But his last. We'll make sure of it.”
He could see Tony's heart breaking. “It's my fault,” the man said, his voice pained in more ways than one.
Gibbs bit his tongue, unsure of what to say. Tony was like a son to him and he didn't want to hurt him further. He knew how much the guilt was killing the younger man. But if Tony had just told them he was sick, they could have kept him out of the field. His collapse wouldn't have been a distraction costing them valuable time when they could least afford it. But then without DiNozzo they wouldn't have even guessed Jennings' location. “It was your hunch that got Jennings caught,” Gibbs reminded him gently. “Without you the girl would have died anyway and that bastard could have carried on getting away with it. Let it go.”
Tony had tears in his eyes. “But...”
“Let it go, Tony. We can't change it.”
DiNozzo nodded, sighing with a wince at the pain in his throat.
“What's important now is your health.”
Tony closed his eyes again. “I'm done, aren't I?”
“What?”
“As an agent. When the coughing started I knew. I knew straight away. It just wasn't going away no matter how much cough medicine I drank. Then my lungs started to hurt and I couldn't catch my breath and...” It hurt to hear Tony speak, his voice was so ragged. He had started to sound rough a couple of weeks ago and Gibbs was kicking himself that he had let it worsen to this state without questioning the man.
Tony wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. Gibbs passed him a tissue from the box on the bedside table. “Is that why you didn't tell us? You were worried you'd lose your job?”
Tony nodded. Gibbs head-slapped him.
“Damn it, Tony! Another couple of minutes and you would have been facing an armed and dangerous suspect! Collapsing then would have got you killed.” Tony looked down at the blanket, trying not to meet Gibbs' angry gaze. Jethro wouldn't allow that. “Look at me.” Tony obeyed. “You aren't seriously ill, Tony.”
“What?” The idea had obviously never occurred to the senior agent. “But...but I couldn't breathe. I was coughing up blood.”
“Ducky was explaining it to me while you slept. The state of your lungs leaves you more susceptible to acute bronchitis. He says he has explained that to you. Apparently that's what you had. A bad case of a respiratory illness. It got worse because you didn't get it checked. In a way you're lucky you collapsed and we brought you to hospital. If it had gone on much longer without medical attention you really would have needed to resign. The damage to your throat and lungs would have been too severe for a physically active job.”
“But...the blood...”
“A symptom of serious bronchitis,” Gibbs explained. “Ducky and the doctor here said you've coughed your throat lining bloody. But it's nothing you won't recover from.”
“Lucky me,” Tony wheezed.
“Lucky all of us,” Gibbs agreed. “Don't know what we'd do without ya, DiNozzo. You saw how grouchy everyone was today, just because you didn't spend time with 'em over the weekend. You think I'm gonna put up with attitudes like that every Monday?”
Tony smiled, eyes still a little watery. “I just thought... I mean, Ducky told me a lot of stuff after I got the plague about what to expect in the long-term. It left me feeling like my days of fitness were over, like my lungs were on borrowed time. When I got sick this time I just thought that time had run out. I figured I'd better keep going, just keep on until I couldn't do it any more. I wanted to do this as long as I could.”
Gibbs pinched the bridge of his nose, exasperated. “Tony, there is such a thing as over-reaching. You're my best agent. You have to take better care of yourself!”
The door opened and Abby walked in, struggling with a large suitcase. “And until you learn to take care of yourself, Gibbs is going to do it for you! Here's his stuff, bossman.”
Tony looked up at Gibbs questioningly. The Marine nodded. “You're coming home with me, DiNozzo. Chicken soup and bed-rest.”
“I packed some of your dvds too,” Abby said with a smile. “Me and Jimmy will come round later to check on you. Ziva's going to keep you company tomorrow and McGee will be round the next day. Ducky's volunteered the day after and he'll be able to decide how much longer you've gotta stay under house arrest.”
“You got a problem with this arrangement, DiNozzo?” Gibbs asked.
Tony thought it over. He didn't like being the 'victim', having to be cared for like an invalid. It implied he was weak, couldn't look after himself. But the team were doing this out of a desire to see him get better, because Tony was valuable to them as a team-mate and a friend.
“You know what?” He grinned. “It sounds like just what I need.”
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