Fic: All That Was Missing for wondersheep

[kuyashinaki.livejournal.com]

Title: All That Was Missing
Author: kuyashinaki
Written for: wondersheep
Archive: yes, please ask though
Rating: PG-13 ... at least I'd say so
Warnings/Spoilers: none
Genre: Slash, established relationship
Pairings: Gibbs/DiNozzo
Word Count: ~ 4.400
Disclaimer: I do not own anything and am not getting paid, I'm just playing a bit.
Prompt: Gibbs finally finishes the boat, and Tony's there. What's Tonys reaction? Can be gen or slash.
Summary: Tony remembers something Jethro once said. Jethro doesn't. But it's all about the boat, their relationship and Tony's insecurities.
Author's Note: Well, I probably have to warn you that I totally ignored the existence of one Jeanne Benoir. And Hollis Mann... well, she exists, but lets just call her unimportant *lol*.
And as always my biggest thanks to my lovely beta Sheila who once again did an awesome last minute job with this, because I am just not able to finish anything with a few days for her to spare *drop*.



Tony sat on the last two steps leading down into Gibbs’ basement and watched the older man while he worked on the boat. Tony knew it wasn’t the first boat Gibbs’ had started to build over the years, Jenny had told him so once. But he did know that this would be the first one the older man actually finished. In fact it was nearly finished already. The wood no longer just plain, raw planks, but glowing in a warm honey colour, the lacquer gleaming softly in the rather dim light.

The name was still missing, but that was about it.

Tony closed his eyes for a moment, silently sighing and withstanding the urge to shake his head. He probably should be happy or feel proud of Gibbs for finally finishing it, because he had put a shit load of hard work into it and so on and so on. But Tony just couldn’t. He couldn’t be happy, because he still remembered like it had been just yesterday and not nearly two and half years ago what Gibbs had said about that damn thing. Back then Tony hadn’t thought anything about it, hadn’t ever imagined that he would still care when this day finally came; if it came at all. Tony hadn’t always believed in Gibbs ever finishing the boat. But now he did think something about it. Now it hurt like hell.

The boat was the end; simple as that. The end of whatever it was they had together. Tony didn’t really know what that was exactly, but he knew he cared, he knew it hurt. Gibbs meant more to him than was obviously good for him. And wasn’t that just the funniest thing? So funny Tony didn’t even know if he should laugh or cry or rage or… just curl up in the next corner and die. Would Gibbs care?

Gibbs probably cared, he knew that, had known for a long time as well. He just didn’t care enough to give this whole thing a real chance, did he?

Tony rubbed his tired eyes and resumed watching Gibbs. Strong hands Tony knew oh so well glided over the polished, gleaming, honey coloured surface, searching for imperfections and so far finding none. Gibbs face was drawn in concentration, making him look grim and even a little angry, but Tony knew he wasn’t. He was probably all Tony wished he could be at the moment as well; proud, satisfied, feeling oh so accomplished. Perhaps even a bit relieved, because he knew he could get rid of the nuisance sitting on his stairs very soon.

Not that Tony thought Gibbs wouldn’t have been able to break it off with him before, but he really didn’t think it was beyond Gibbs to keep him around just because he had promised Tony could stay until the boat was finished. Gibbs sometimes had a very weird sense of honour after all.

The name was all that was missing.

Tony felt actually curious which name Gibbs would pick to seal his fate. He suppressed the chuckle he felt bubbling up in his throat. God, he was pathetic. All sorry for himself and for the loss of something he hadn’t even lost yet. Not really. The damn thing didn’t have a name yet and Gibbs hadn’t told him to leave yet and the world was still spinning, damnit! No reason at all to pout and wallow in misery.

“Come on, Tony, lets call it day”, Gibbs finally announced, obviously satisfied with his inspection, smiling slightly at the nearly finished boat.

“You not going to finish her today, boss?” Tony asked his voice carefully neutral, of which he was kind of proud. Even if he felt like dying inside, he could still pretend he didn’t care all that much, which had to count for something.

“Na, she’ll keep. No need to rush things along.”

“How are you going to get her out of your basement?” Gibbs smiled at the question everybody seemed inclined to ask. He knew Tony just did it to tease him though.

“I’ll figure it out when it’s time.” Tony snorted and stood to climb the stairs to. He felt stiff after sitting on those damn stairs for hours, but he couldn’t imagine a place he would rather be while Gibbs was down here working and it hurt to know he would be losing it very soon.

“I’d say this time has come, don’t you think?” Tony winced internally at the hurt detectable in his voice. He hadn’t meant it to sound like this, but the words had been out, before he could stop himself. Gibbs looked at him for a moment, his eyebrows drawn in confusion, not sure what to make of this. Then he just shook his head and smacked Tony slightly up the head, the touch being more a caress than a real slap.

“I think it’s nothing you need to be worried about. She’ll be finished, when she’ll be finished and I’ll think about getting her out of the basement when it is time. And now get moving, DiNozzo!”

Gibbs didn’t like the look Tony threw him, but before he could really make out what it meant, it was gone and Tony was moving up the stairs. Gibbs shook his head and followed him. Something wasn’t right, that much was for sure, but as always the ornery bastard would rather choke on whatever was bothering him than talk to him, wouldn’t he?

~*~

Jethro couldn’t sleep and it was all Tony’s damn fault. He just couldn’t get that look out of his head. The hurt and suffering Jethro had seen for the tiniest second in those usually bright and happy green eyes. He didn’t like it when Tony looked at him that way. It always meant he had fucked up in one way or another; royally. Jethro just couldn’t put his finger on whatever it was he had done and usually he could. He was a bastard and he knew it and he knew perfectly well when he did something that was inclined to hurt Tony and bring up exactly this look in his eyes, but he would be damned if he knew this time.

He had done nothing wrong. He and Tony had hardly talked all evening. He had worked on his boat while Tony had sat on the steps watching him and contemplated whatever it was he kept his mind occupied with while he sat there and watched him. It wasn’t unusual. Sometimes Tony just sat there and watched, sometimes he brought a book and kept reading for hours, sometimes pointing out things he hadn’t known to Jethro, entertaining him with his knack for history of all things. Hell, sometimes he brought one of these handheld game thingies with him and played a game he had called a jump and run adventure or whatever. It was comfortable and perfect and it felt like home to Jethro.

So what had disturbed their routine today? What had hurt Tony?

Jethro sighed in frustration and rolled over onto his side, turning his back to Tony, who was sleeping peacefully beside him. Hell, he shouldn’t care so much. He never had with his wives. Well in the beginning he had, but Tony and he… well they were well past the beginning stage of their relationship. More than two years now. This was longer than two of his marriages had lasted after all.

He cared, he wanted to know what was going on and it was driving him crazy. His mind went in circles, never getting anywhere. The easiest answer would have been to ask Tony. Straightforward and oh so obvious, but after all the years he had known Tony as a subordinate, a friend and later a lover he had learned one thing about Tony that was always true. Tony could talk up a storm without saying anything at all and he usually did so when he wanted to keep something from everybody else. Gibbs didn’t need to be a genius to know that this definitely was something Tony wanted to keep from him.

This look in his lovers green eyes had told him one thing he hadn’t noticed all evening or even the last few days. Tony seemed subdued. Oh, he was perfectly likable, laughed and talked, but he was kind of neutral and that was totally unusual for Tony. He was never just neutral. Neutral was boring and that was a trait that could never be associated with Tony. Jethro smiled, but lost his smile again within a second.

So what did that mean? What did Tony want? Did he expect something from him? Was Jethro supposed to just know what was up by just looking at Tony? Making it alright again based on some kind of spur of the moment? Jethro felt an irrational wave of anger well up inside of him at that, but he just ground his teeth together and took a few deep breaths to calm himself again. He wasn’t being fair. He did listen to his gut most of the times, sometimes even ignored evidence in favour of his gut. He shouldn’t get angry at Tony, even if he expected him to just know what was wrong.

Jethro closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on what his gut was telling him. He had the feeling that it had something to do with some kind of insecurity Tony had. Tony had always seemed like he was ready to bolt at any moment, because he didn’t trust this relationship between him and Jethro was meant to last. Jethro losing all his memories of Tony didn’t help matters much from Tony’s point of view either. Jethro had never told the younger man what it had been like to regain the lost treasures again.

He had never told Tony what he had realized while he stayed with Frank in Mexico and he didn’t even know why he hadn’t. Well, no, that wasn’t exactly true. Jethro knew. He hadn’t told Tony because he had been afraid of the reaction he would get. Only because he had realized that Tony was more than just an affair - or even worse, a convenience – didn’t mean Tony felt the same. Sure Tony had never stayed with anyone as long as he had with Jethro und his gut had told Jethro from the beginning that Tony hadn’t lied to him about all the stories he’d been telling Kate, McGee and now Ziva as well. All those women never meant anything. He never did more than take them to dinner or to the cinema. Never once shared did one of them Tony’s bed anymore.

Jethro knew that was significant from where Tony stood, but still he hadn’t been able yet to bring himself to tell Tony about his feelings. It should have been easy. He had told Sharon all those years back and really meant it. He had told it to the ex-wives and even though in case of ex wife number three he wasn’t so sure anymore that he had really meant it with his heart it hadn’t been so hard on him as telling Tony turned out to be.

But perhaps Tony was waiting for him to do it?

No. Jethro shook his head slightly. Tony would never really wait for something like this from him. He would perhaps hope, but never expect him to actually say it. It didn’t fit into how Tony pictured him, sad as that was.

Jethro turned on his back and suppressed a groan. Damn, he wanted to sleep and leave all those thoughts alone for a while, they gave him a headache, which he had been prone to ever since he had been caught in thie explosion a few months back. And all this thinking in circles didn’t help any.

He would find out in the morning what was wrong.

~*~

Tony looked up from the book he had been reading to look at Gibbs, who was finishing the outlines of the name on his boat. Tony smiled slightly, the curving of his full lips a little bitter.

So Kelly it would be. Well, it was a nice touch. It would have been worse if Gibbs had used the name of one of his wives or ex flames. His daughter was okay.

Gibbs had spent the last few hours searching for non existent imperfections again and just for the slightest moment Tony had thought that maybe Gibbs didn’t want to really finish the boat after all. Tony knew he didn’t want him to. But he was probably just imagining things. Why would Gibbs hesitate to finish something he had spent years working on? That wouldn’t make much sense.

And Tony was ready, or at least as ready as he could be. He was prepared for the moment when Gibbs finally told him that he should get the few things he had kept here over the years and to get the hell out. See you tomorrow morning in the office, DiNozzo. He would smile, nod. He wouldn’t make a scene, wouldn’t protest or beg Gibbs to keep him just for another night, maybe two, to not throw him out just yet. Tony wouldn’t tell Gibbs that he was probably the best thing to ever happen to him and that he didn’t know how to survive without being with Gibbs.

That was all mushy, fluffy bullshit, no matter how true it all was.

Gibbs straightened from the hunched position he had stayed in to draw the outlines of the boat’s name und stretched. From where he sat Tony could hear a vertebra or two pop back where they belonged and winced in sympathy. He was several years younger than Gibbs and already didn’t feel so comfortable anymore with some of the things he had done easily in his younger years. He could imagine that Gibbs felt all sore and stiff, his back probably feeling like one very tense, hurting muscle. Tony thought about offering a massage, but pushed the thought away again after his eyes once more took in the five letter name adorning the boat in pale outlines on gleaming honey coloured wood.

All that had been missing. No more. It was nearly done now.

“You ever think about having a family again?” the words where out even before Tony realized he had opened his mouth. Gibbs frowned slightly, looking in Tony’s direction and cocking his head just the tiniest bit.

“No?” Tony smiled at that. So much meaning behind one word and after all the training he had had in Gibbs-speak over the last years, he could understand so easily now what Gibbs had just said. No, he hadn’t. Why ever should he? What was it to Tony if he had?

“Perhaps Hollis Mann would be open to the suggestion. You never know before you ask, boss. She’s probably too old to have children on her own, but there are others ways, you know?” Tony shrugged, not sure why he didn’t just shut the fuck up before he got himself into even deeper shit. And just looking at Gibbs’ face told him he was in very deep shit already. Well, not that it changed anything about… well anything, did it?

Gibbs didn’t say anything though. Tony thought he saw a look of deep confusion on the older man’s face for just a second, but it was gone so fast he wasn’t really sure it had ever truly been there.

“Anyway, I’ll be on my way, boss. See you tomorrow!” At that he did see confusion so clear it nearly made Tony laugh. But before he could do even more stupid things, he bolted up the basement stairs and was gone in seconds.

~*~

Jethro wanted to say something, wanted to tell Tony to sit his ass back down on the stairs and stay where he was. But he didn’t. He just watched as Tony ran up the stairs like he was fleeing from him. And maybe he was. It looked a lot like it, felt like it.

Jethro sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. He was already strung out and tired and this last night of nearly no sleep hadn’t helped matters much, and now this. Tony was even weirder than the night before and Jethro wasn’t sure if he was even one step closer to understanding what was going on here.

Why the hell was Tony suddenly thinking about things like this? Why would Jethro want to start something with that infuriating woman when he had something so good with Tony? He didn’t need a wife and children to be happy. He had learned that the hardest way there was. Going through one divorce? Not funny. Doing it three times? Well, congratulations if you actually came out mentally unscathed.

Jethro smirked. Well, maybe he hadn’t, not completely anyway.

Jethro looked at the boat, at his daughter’s name and frowned again. The boat and Tony’s weird behaviour… Jethro couldn’t shake the feeling that they somehow belonged together.

~*~

Tony grunted when Jethro pushed him up against the bare rib of the boat he had been sanding when Tony had arrived. The wood wasn’t really smooth yet and Jethro knew that Tony could feel the roughness of it through his shirt. It was probably one of those insanely expensive shirts, which had cost more than two hundred dollars. Tony liked those things even though Jethro couldn’t figure out why it paid to spend so much money on just one shirt. Sure it felt great, he noticed, sliding his hands up and down Tony’s chest, while he kept on kissing Tony senseless, but surely it didn’t feel as great as Tony’s skin did.

Tony pushed him away. Not with a lot of force, but just enough that Jethro knew instantly to follow this nonverbal request for some space. Tony was panting, his hair dishevelled and his green eyes a little wild and glowing.

“Not sure what we are doing here, boss.”

Jethro snorted, slipping one of his hands under Tony’s shirt. Oh yes, that felt a lot smoother and silkier than that shirt. “Don’t know if I can help you figure it out if you can’t manage it on your own after that kiss.”

Tony shook his head. “Is this… I mean… I don’t want a one time thing, boss.” Jethro arched an eyebrow at that. Well, he didn’t want this to be a one time thing either, but he had never imagined Tony to be someone to voice such concerns in a moment like this. He had never imagined the other man to look so lost and even unsure as he did right now as he waited for Jethro to answer.

“Don’t want that either, DiNozzo”, Jethro said with a smile and tried to kiss Tony again, but the younger man stopped him once again.

“Than what is this?”

Jethro rolled his eyes.

“Whatever you want it to be, DiNozzo, but not just a one time thing.”

Tony didn’t seem satisfied with that and Jethro felt slightly at a loss for a moment. What did Tony want him to say?

“Then for how long?” Tony finally asked his voice small and a little weak, not at all as Jethro had imagined the younger man in any kind of sexual situation.

“Do you always ask at the beginning of a relationship how long it will last?” Jethro asked, the sarcasm plainly clear in his voice. Tony winced at that and looked away. Jethro could see that he had hurt Tony, but still, what should he tell the other man? That it was for a month? A year? A damn lifetime? Well, no, Tony would probably run away screaming, if he said something like this.

Okay then… something that did mean the same and didn’t say it in just those words? He looked at the boat and a smile started to form on his lips. That would do.

“Until I finish this boat, DiNozzo. Will that do for you?”

Tony looked at him, clearly surprised at what Jethro had just said, but his eyes lit up again and that was probably the most beautiful thing to watch that Jethro knew.

“Yes, that’ll do”, Tony decided and a groan escaped Gibbs when their lips finally met again.

~*~

Jethro didn’t wake with a start. He just opened his eyes, noticing the pale light of dawn starting to light up the world outside of this house.

He understood now what was wrong and he truly couldn’t believe it. Tony had taken him at his word then. Well, Tony always did, he probably shouldn’t be surprised about it, but damn, didn’t that stupid fool ever think? Did he really believe Jethro would throw him out as soon as he had finished painting the name on the boat?

Jethro yawned and rubbed his face. Well… yes, Tony would think exactly that. And Jethro should have known and remembered right away what he had said more than two years ago, even though he had never even for one second meant to keep his word on this particular matter, either way. He would have never kept this relationship going if it had turned sour somewhere on the way. And he sure as hell didn’t intend to end it now just because the boat was finished. He sighed. Well, with Tony and his total lack of confidence when it came to his ability to have and keep a relationship for the long run, there was only one way to proceed from here on.

And for the first time in many, many years, Jethro wished he had actually thought about one flaw in his plan, that everyone seemed so inclined to point out the first chance they got.

~*~

Tony felt more than a little reluctant to enter Gibbs house. He hadn’t been there for several days and only was today, because Gibbs had asked him to come over after shift.

Tony knew perfectly well what that meant. Today was the day Gibbs would tell him to vanish from his life, at least the private part of it. Somehow Tony had hoped that avoiding coming out here would keep this moment away.

He squared his shoulders, trying to reassure himself that this wasn’t going to be the end of the world. He’d just go on. He’d probably look for a new job; maybe ask Jenny if that offer for his own team still stood, preferably somewhere very far away. Spain had sounded pretty good; warm, beautiful women, great food, even though not as good as Italian… no Gibbs. Hell, this wasn’t the most appealing thought there was. Tony cursed under his breath.

Procrastinating wouldn’t get him anywhere, time to get it over with then.

He opened the door to Gibbs’ house, not bothering to knock. Gibbs wouldn’t react to it anyway at the moment. Tony had seen the lights on in the basement and whenever Gibbs was down there he never bothered to answer the door. Not even to holler up for whoever it was to come in or leave him alone. Tony smiled.

Proving his assumption, the ground floor was dark and deserted, but a thin stream of light could be seen coming from the door to the basement. Tony tried to display nonchalance and confidence when he opened the basement door and started to climb down the worn stairs. He knew it was going to hurt like hell, but he wasn’t going to show it. Never.

He stopped mid step and froze when he heard the sound of a planer gliding powerfully and seemingly effortless over wood. That was kind of an unexpected sound considering… Tony looked up and frowned. Where just a few days ago the nearly finished boat had stood, all warm honey coloured and soft gleaming with this perfect coat of lacquer, was now… basically nothing. The first few pieces of wood Tony knew now where the beginning of a new boat, but... Tony shook his head, not able to comprehend what was going on. Not daring to believe this meant what he hoped it did.

“Boss?”

“Yes, DiNozzo?”

“Whatever happened to that boat of yours? You know the one that used to stand right there? The one that was nearly finished the last time I was here?” Tony knew he sounded completely stupid, but he didn’t really care. He needed to know, needed to hear the words. Gibbs would have never burned a boat that had his daughter’s name on it. She wasn’t one of the ex-wives. Gibbs would always love her.

“It’s gone”, Gibbs just answered, not even looking up from his work, but barely able to suppress the grin that threatened to split his face.

“Yeah… but how… why?” Tony sounded lost, confused. Gibbs sighed.

“You seemed to think that I would only keep one of you, Tony. So I decided I would rather keep you.” A tentative smile started to form on Tony’s lips and in the barely there light that reached the stairs Gibbs thought he saw those green eyes go slightly watery with tears.

“For how long?” Tony asked, his voice breaking slightly, wiping furiously at his eyes when tears started to spill over.

“Oh no”, Gibbs growled, putting the planer down on his working table and stalking over to the stairs where he grabbed Tony’s hand and pulled. Tony nearly fell down the last few steps and made a startled sound, but landed safely in Gibbs’ arms.

“I am not going to answer that stupid question again, Tony, you hear me? I want you to stay with me. For as long as we both like it to be this way, understand? No time limit. There is no way to predict how long a relationship will or will not last.”

Tony looked surprised and totally flabbergasted, but the next second the most beautiful smile Gibbs had ever seen on Tony’s face appeared and the younger man swooped down on him for a breathtaking kiss.

When they finally came up for air, Tony’s eyes twinkled mischievously and he looked all happy and relaxed.

“You, my dear Leroy Jethro Gibbs are in very, very, very deep shit now”, he announced and Gibbs could feel his heart leap in his chest at that.

“I think, I can live with that just fine”, hi said and claimed Tony’s lips for another kiss.

Comments

[hagulous.livejournal.com]

loved it but now i am left to wonder about the most perplexing question of our time how the hell does gibbs get the boat out

oh well i guess i have to ask mr.owl and try to not lose a lollipop to him

but my icon is making sure that tony never has to dread the ending of a boat