ncisficathon | Telling Kate

Title: Telling Kate
Author:

steelriver
Written for:

kuyashinaki
Archive: Sure, just ask.
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Warnings/Spoilers: SWAK & Twilight. Mentions Character death (Kate)
Genre: Slash
Pairings: Tony/Gibbs
Word Count: 2,045 (not including the header)
Disclaimer: Not mine, making no profit.
Prompt: Tony/Gibbs, established relationship, covering the events of
SWAK and Twilight. Both men find themselves thinking about how Kate
would have reacted to their relationship what her opinion would have
meant to them.
Summary: Gibbs wanted to tell Kate of their relationship but Tony had serious objections. After her death Tony reflects on missed opportunities and finally manages to tell Kate about the important man in his life.
Author's Note: This didn’t turn out quite the way I was expecting it to...
I’m really sorry it was so late, I had a lot of technical issues.
Beta: Rinkle

Hindsight is a bitch and anyone who says otherwise hasn’t had it completely fuck with them recently.

I mean you expect to get a few surprises along the way, a few twists to the plot, but you don’t expect to get yanked so far out of your comfort zone. If this was a movie then it is in desperate need of a new director because this one obviously doesn’t have a clue!

Then again, if this was a movie, then the fact I didn’t take any of the opportunities available to me wouldn’t matter. Especially if this was some sort of chick flick, not my favourite, obviously, but I have watched a few - not that I’ll admit it. If that was the case then Kate would be walking through that door right now and I’d get to tell her all about me and Gibbs. She’d tell me to treat him right, it would be implied we’d all live happily ever after and then the credits would roll.

Unfortunately for me, the blood wasn’t fake and no matter how much I wish it she won’t be sitting opposite me ever again.

I’m never going to see the look of approval in her eyes that would have meant so much to Gibbs. He always did think a lot of her, but I’m still not prepared to admit in public that I sometimes got a little jealous when they came back from being on assignment alone together with interesting tales.

Not that I’m really threatened by their involvement because, let's face it, nobody can resist the Dinozzo charm for long. I just wish it wasn’t so divisive. He has one relationship with her; I have another. For some reason he insists on keeping them separate, at least he did until he suggested we tell her about our involvement.

It would have been so easy to tell her the day I opened the letter that initiated bio attack procedures. Something good should have come out of the fact that I lost a lot of good clothes.
I could gladly have strangled him when he brought up the honey dust after I mentioned I bought it for my lovers. As an aside, Gibbs and honey dust are a lethal combination. I didn’t make the mistake of not ordering enough again! We had talked about it before, telling Kate that is, but obviously he decided I wasn’t going fast enough for his tastes.

I mean how dare he ambush me like that! Although I guess I should have expected something sneaky from a Marine. We agreed we would wait for an appropriate time and not just blurt it out in front of everyone. That moment was definitely not when they were incinerating my Gucci shoes. I mean how could he not know that?

When we were in autopsy the worry was all too easy to read in his eyes. For that I’m thankful, otherwise when I was finally released from the hospital I would have ended up sleeping on the couch. I just wasn’t ready to tell her then, I just wasn’t.

I guess it’s a fundamental of the human condition: you always think you have time. I thought putting off telling her then wasn’t a big deal but now I understand why Gibbs brought up the honey dust. I just wish now that I’d made some outrageously flirtatious comment.

Normally just telling Kate and McGee straight would have meant I missed out on too much - but given what was going on at the time maybe they wouldn’t have believed me. It still could have been fun watching her work it out and the look on her face when she realised it was the truth.

It would have meant I missed out on all the wisecracks about the list of women who hate me but I guess it would have been worth it. Why did nobody point out to me that I might have been able to sneak a little extra “Gibbs time” if there was someone about to cover for us?

It never occurred to me until I heard the fear in Gibbs' tone when he ordered me not to die that if things had gone badly there wouldn’t be anyone he could talk to who knew about us. When he picked me up I was so glad to see him and I left determined to use my second chance to do things better.

Yeah right!

My resolve was tested the minute he met me at the hospital. He behaved impeccably right up to the point he helped me through his front door. Initially I thought it was the doctors making him behave like that. It was very un-Gibbs so when it continued I began to worry. Until he wrapped his arms around me and I realised just how much I needed that.

After about a week of him making jokes about my recovery being the first time I’ve ever done as I was told I got a tad ticked off. It distracted me from all my good intentions. If he hadn’t smelt so damn good I would probably have ignored him for a while, but I just couldn’t. Not when I’d nearly lost the opportunity to be this close to him again.

It was strange; he stopped insisting we tell Kate. If I had known what was going to happen I would have insisted, but I was only too willing to let it slip from my mind despite all my good intentions. If I had only known then I would have invited her over the minute he released me that first day.

Instead, I got bewitched by the promise in his eyes, even if my body was in no way up to entertaining the idea. Days later we were lying beside each other in bed and he announced that he was going to tell her. He wasn’t prepared to hide our relationship any longer and there was a little of the urgency left over from my near death experience.

When I returned to work I was surprised that he hadn’t told her already. I must confess to being oddly touched when he mumbled something about wanting to wait until we could tell her together. It made me smile and reinforced the suspicions I had about just how important it was to him.

Despite never telling anyone about my preference for men, I finally felt like I was ready.

Fate, however, had other plans for us and all thoughts of telling her were abandoned as I was forced to endure my own private hell when his obsession with Ari almost got him killed. I was seriously tempted to shoot him myself when he shut me out.

I trusted Kate to keep him safe and that was such a huge step for me. I just wish… I never expected her to pay with her life - although as last lines go, hers would go down on the list of things never to say.

When I saw her body fall to the ground it was like everything just stopped. In that instance all the times we could have told her flashed through my mind. All my previous objections seemed even more ridiculous and I would swear I saw something change in Gibbs' eyes that day.

Things haven’t been the same between us since, and I did my best to try and keep everything together. I’ve done some stupid things in my life and gotten into numerous scrapes but I’ve never regretted anything until now.

She deserved to know, she’d been a friend long enough, and Gibbs’ admiration is something he never hid.

Now, instead of sharing a joke with me she’s residing with Ducky - for a bit longer, at least. Things haven’t been the same between Gibbs and I since the moment she died. There just seems to be a Kate-sized hole in our relationship for some reason.

I’m trying not to overreact to the situation, but it’s difficult. I can’t help but think he’s never going to forgive me. I can’t stop dreaming about that day, the look on his face is still so vivid. In fact I don’t even have to be asleep, I just have to let my thoughts drift away from whatever it is I’m doing. He feels guilty she’s dead and it’s almost as though he blames me for it.

Our job is dangerous and we all knew that when we signed up. I mean Kate was in the Secret Service before that, for God’s sake! She was prepared to get between our president and a bullet.

It’s so different from losing any other agent - maybe it’s because we worked so closely together and now the office is just too quiet. It’s lacking the banter we normally indulged in.

I head down to autopsy and stand next to the right door. I don’t open it, I’m not sure I can face looking my failure in the eye. Not yet anyway.

“You know dying like that was really inconsiderate, Kate!”

I barely recognise my own voice and order myself to get it together.

I feel slightly ridiculous expecting a reply, it’s not as if she’s suddenly going to jump out and tell me it has all been some bad joke.

“I miss you,” I murmur as I look down at my jacket momentarily. “I really wish I’d had the chance to tell you. I’ve never told anyone before and telling you just seemed like such a huge thing. After all the comments I made, would you have even believed me if I told you? I love him so much, Kate, and I’m really sorry I never told you.”

The quiet starts to unnerve me slightly. “It would have meant a lot to him, you know? I guess it would have been a bit of an unknown, but we survived Gibbs without his coffee so how bad could it have been? I bet you would have laughed at me if I’d said I was good at being discreet. Guess I’m just screwing up as always, except this time he’s not here to smack the back of my head.”

I push away from the wall and take a deep breath.

“You know if you tell anyone about this conversation I’m going to deny it completely. Got to keep my reputation intact!” Almost as an afterthought I add, “I will try to do better, though.”

As I walk through the building towards the exit I wonder whether he’s going to be there or if he’ll be working on that damn boat again.

I’m surprised when I see him waiting by my car. As I get closer I start to get nervous, until his lips claim mine in a heated kiss that robs me of the ability to do anything else except appreciate his firm body pressed against mine. It takes a moment, but then my body remembers what it’s meant to do. As I open my mouth to his demands I feel a familiar thrill shoot through my body.

“Finished for the night?” I ask.

“Shouldn’t I be asking that?” he replies.

“Maybe.”

“I’ll drive.”

“I don’t think-”

“I don’t blame you,” he interrupts me. “I’m angry I never told her a lot of things. I should have kept her safe!”

“I know.”

I should disagree with him, but pointing out he did everything that he possibly could wouldn’t help much. He gently cuffs the back of my head and I can’t help but smile.

“You know you two are being such idiots!” I can hear her say. “Dinozzo are you just going to stand there?”

I smile at the thought and pull the keys out of my pocket.

“If you think I’m going to let you drive after that pathetic apology then you’ve been out here too long. Get in,” I order, before leaning forward to lightly brush my lips against his.

“You realise we’re in public, right?”

“Shut up and get in the car!”

Soon we’re heading in the direction of his house. “Bed’s been cold without you,” he suddenly says.

“You know, you’re really not helping yourself.”

He smiles and looks out the window. Maybe I needed to tell Kate more than I realised.